Pissing off the Universe.

So, I've only been tanning twice in my whole life. Once the day before my cruise last March, and today.  Both with widely different results. The first time I ended up with paler skin than I had before I stepped into the bed. Thank God the person I went with garnered a nice golden tone, bastard. Well, this time around I just assumed the same thing would happen and thought "What the hell?" and I slipped/skidded into the plastic coffin. (Always a nice sound for the person in the booth next to me)

It was hot as hell, I think I left 5 pounds of sweat pooled in there for the next sucker willing to pay $6.50 to burn, and the 12 year olds running the place were more than happy to see me leave. I could just see it in the way they were chomping their gum.

I went home, did some homework and took a nap, only to be awoken by this pain in my ass. I ran to the bathroom and discovered not only were my cheeks both the perfect color of a medium rare steak, but that every nook and cranny (and there now seem to be more than I remember there being) was glowing a slight red tinge.

The best part of it all was that I had a nice square white spot on my stomach where I had set my iPod during the cremation process. Just when I thought I couldn't get any sexier...

Treats me right for trying to change my appearance. I have now learned that husky and eternal jaundice are the paths the cosmos set out for me long before the beginning of time. This is the way of nature, and I pissed it off.